while new years resolutions never pan out, i'm still looking forward to the new year. i'm looking forward to being done with the holiday feasting. pretty sure i've gained at least 5 pounds eating delicious junk....like cookies, cakes, candies, tamales.....and just TOO much in general. i've had a cold too for a few days that i'm ready to part with. and $100 to spend on myself for xmas. i'm actually having a hard time finding something i want to buy...maybe i should spend it on bills, but thats no fun.
i hope everyone had a great 2010. good luck with the resolutions and plans for change that often come with the start of a new year. be safe and have fun!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
My favorite thing ever
My favorite thing ever is really simple, and occurs regularly. My favorite thing ever is new starts. As in, Mondays because they are the start of the week, the first of any month (they restore hope after four failed mondays), the start of a new season (after a failed month...), a new plan and new idea.....A new year. This is not a blog about a new years resolutions. Those never pan out....and I've fully accepted this, which is why I like all kinds of new beginnings, and I make resolutions to do things different all the time. I fail at fulfilling these resolutions all the time too, but...there is always another new start, so I remain hopeful.
Tomorrow is a new start, and will (perhaps) be more productive than the last few days. And, if not...there is always next week....
Tomorrow is a new start, and will (perhaps) be more productive than the last few days. And, if not...there is always next week....
Holiday Cheer!
Oh how I love, love, love the holidays! The first indicator that the holidays are approaching is the end of Fall quarter at school. I recognize the end of the quarter because I stress over projects/papers/finals, and more notably, watch all the borrowed financial aid money diminish in my bank account. I enter into the holiday season broke and stressed, so the break from school is a welcome relief.
Winter break is a lazy, unproductive time for me. Each and every year I tell myself "this break will be different. I will do x, y, and z". So far, I've done a little bit of x, and I'm toying with the idea of scratching y and z off the list entirely. We'll see... Well, I'll see, because I'm sure none of you care or are keeping tabs on me and my Winter Break productivity. I appreciate your willingness to give me my space; I require lots of space these days.
The icing on the cake of Winter Break is the specific Christmas Festivities. As an atheist, I really rejoice in celebrating the birth of Christ....(or whatever), and revel in all the obligatory visits with family members. Its not that I don't love each and every member of my family, quirks and all, but sometimes its easier and preferable to love from a distance and through stories heard through the grapevine. Family gossip keeps me close enough to *some* relatives. (Of course, if you are a relative reading this, I don't mean YOU, you are my favorite) ;-)
Christmas shopping is such a joy, right! What better way to show your family and friends that you love and appreciate them, than by buying them material goods they don't really NEED from department stores. Oh the gift of giving! This is a joy I have not been able to partake in for the last three years. Yes, for three solid years I have been so destitute that I have purchased ZERO Christmas gifts. This has turned me into a type of Scrooge. I fear that when (if ever) I have a steady job, and money, my dislike of Christmas will linger and then I'll be perceived as the cheap ass who doesn't give gifts, when really I'm just sour to the whole concept of a commercial Christmas.
This blog is not meant to poo poo on anyone's Christmas joy. Just a rant, intended mostly to be amusing. My next blog will be positive....about my favorite thing ever. (really, truly....no sarcasm)
Winter break is a lazy, unproductive time for me. Each and every year I tell myself "this break will be different. I will do x, y, and z". So far, I've done a little bit of x, and I'm toying with the idea of scratching y and z off the list entirely. We'll see... Well, I'll see, because I'm sure none of you care or are keeping tabs on me and my Winter Break productivity. I appreciate your willingness to give me my space; I require lots of space these days.
The icing on the cake of Winter Break is the specific Christmas Festivities. As an atheist, I really rejoice in celebrating the birth of Christ....(or whatever), and revel in all the obligatory visits with family members. Its not that I don't love each and every member of my family, quirks and all, but sometimes its easier and preferable to love from a distance and through stories heard through the grapevine. Family gossip keeps me close enough to *some* relatives. (Of course, if you are a relative reading this, I don't mean YOU, you are my favorite) ;-)
Christmas shopping is such a joy, right! What better way to show your family and friends that you love and appreciate them, than by buying them material goods they don't really NEED from department stores. Oh the gift of giving! This is a joy I have not been able to partake in for the last three years. Yes, for three solid years I have been so destitute that I have purchased ZERO Christmas gifts. This has turned me into a type of Scrooge. I fear that when (if ever) I have a steady job, and money, my dislike of Christmas will linger and then I'll be perceived as the cheap ass who doesn't give gifts, when really I'm just sour to the whole concept of a commercial Christmas.
This blog is not meant to poo poo on anyone's Christmas joy. Just a rant, intended mostly to be amusing. My next blog will be positive....about my favorite thing ever. (really, truly....no sarcasm)
rain
It has been raining for a few days. I appreciate the rain. I enjoy the rain. Somedays it makes me feel happier; somedays it provides a explanation for my feeling dysthymic and lethargic. I experience the rain as a pleasant release of stress and pent up emotions. I suppose exercise provides a similar experience, but sitting inside and listening to the rain is much easier than suiting up in running shoes and spandex and convincing yourself to pound out a few miles on a treadmill in a sweaty, germ infested gym. Point is, I like the rain.
Today my car battery died in the rain. My pants were soaked in the rain. My feet were cold in the rain. My car was cleaned in the rain. My mind relaxed in the rain.
I think I need to plan to move north after school ends. North enough to experience temperatures with a range larger than 77-100. Or maybe the range is fine, I just want to shift it downward....maybe 45-70. That would be nice.
Today my car battery died in the rain. My pants were soaked in the rain. My feet were cold in the rain. My car was cleaned in the rain. My mind relaxed in the rain.
I think I need to plan to move north after school ends. North enough to experience temperatures with a range larger than 77-100. Or maybe the range is fine, I just want to shift it downward....maybe 45-70. That would be nice.
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Saturday nights
It has just occurred to me that a possible source of my feelings ranging from "blah" to self-hate may originate in Saturday nights. I am on winter break for three weeks; any normal grad. student would be living it up to the fullest. My abnormal self is sitting at home checking email and facebook, and blogging. This is partially due to my lack of finances, but I suspect a big portion of it must be due to the fact that I am boring, and often not social.
I often vacillate between total contentment in my relatively unexciting and solitary existence, and near complete self-hate at feeling inept at life. For instance, a few moments ago I had a fleeting feeling of "boredom", and at the top of my list of activities to alleviate this boredom, was "time to get a puzzle out of the closet". Yes. Really. Truly.
I sometimes wonder if it would matter what I did with my free time. Maybe its more about personality or self-confidence. Are some of us simply predisposed to always ruminate on who/what we could/should be while simultaneously creating new methods of self degradation.
I often love myself, and have positive feelings about the person that I am. Tonight...it just isn't happening.
I often vacillate between total contentment in my relatively unexciting and solitary existence, and near complete self-hate at feeling inept at life. For instance, a few moments ago I had a fleeting feeling of "boredom", and at the top of my list of activities to alleviate this boredom, was "time to get a puzzle out of the closet". Yes. Really. Truly.
I sometimes wonder if it would matter what I did with my free time. Maybe its more about personality or self-confidence. Are some of us simply predisposed to always ruminate on who/what we could/should be while simultaneously creating new methods of self degradation.
I often love myself, and have positive feelings about the person that I am. Tonight...it just isn't happening.
blog attempt one
I am new to blogging. Not yet sure what topics I intend to blog about, or that I even have anything of interest to say. We'll see how it goes.
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