Sunday, January 30, 2011
A thought on intentions
Sometimes it helps me to remember, when i feel wronged or attacked, that people do the best they can given the circumstance they are in and the skill set they possess. Maybe I'm foolish, hopefully it is just optimism, but I suspect that it is a rare occurrence for someone to set out with the true intent of emotionally wounding another person. Even if this is not true, I will continue to believe it, because I like to feel warm and open to letting new people into my life, rather than cold and distant.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Grad school sucks!
I generally think of myself as a "glass-half-full" type of person. At least, I'm optimistic more often than pessimistic, but grad school is sucking this positive world view out of me. And its making me fatter! In 2008 I had lost 26 pounds, and during the last year and half (grad school!) I've packed back on 15 of those pounds. I'm feeling fed up, and embarrassed. I'm unhealthy, uncomfortable and unmotivated. I'm sitting down to create a schedule to hopefully get back on track and create time for workouts. I feel like I need to have a sign around my neck that indicates my lack of self control, and cautions the general public from feeding me, or more generally, having food in their possession when around me.
I hate when people give tips like "you can do it" or "your not that fat" or "i'll be your workout buddy". sometimes....I just need to vent, get over my disordered relationship to both exercise and foods (specifically prepackaged hydrogenated, sugar and fat saturated food that I'm ADDICTED to), and do better. No one can encourage me toward that but myself. No one can want it for me buy myself. So...if you should hear me complain, please just acknowledge that its a struggle and a process and that most of us experience this issue at some time in life. No cures, no pep talks. Sometimes those of us who often exist as listeners just want to voice some of our own complaints.
That is all. thanks for reading.
hopefully i can report back to you as i get less fat and more healthy. hopefully...
I hate when people give tips like "you can do it" or "your not that fat" or "i'll be your workout buddy". sometimes....I just need to vent, get over my disordered relationship to both exercise and foods (specifically prepackaged hydrogenated, sugar and fat saturated food that I'm ADDICTED to), and do better. No one can encourage me toward that but myself. No one can want it for me buy myself. So...if you should hear me complain, please just acknowledge that its a struggle and a process and that most of us experience this issue at some time in life. No cures, no pep talks. Sometimes those of us who often exist as listeners just want to voice some of our own complaints.
That is all. thanks for reading.
hopefully i can report back to you as i get less fat and more healthy. hopefully...
Saturday, January 1, 2011
doing it right
This has been my most mellow of new years eve 'celebrations' in years. I stayed at home with the dog and three cats. We watched bad tv and surfed the internet. Ate chicken, ben and jerry's and pringles for dinner, and drank a TON....of hot tea. I don't necessarily feel all lame and losery as you may think I feel. I'm quite a homebody, and I didn't want to go out. I felt no need to drink, or socialize really. Thats all the justification I'm going to give to my decision to stay in, because I don't want to start to sound like a shriveled up old person complaining about all the young whippersnappers out there partying it up.
Last year I went out with friends from school. Drank a TON....of beer, and was home and in bed by midnight. The year before that I went out, and drank a TON of vodka, was home and passed out before 11. The way I see it, this year is an improvement.
Heres to hoping that I can make some improvements in life decisions in this new year. Not a resolution....as I've really yet to put serious thought into things I ought or want to do differently/better. Suppose I can put some thought into it tomorrow...or the next day...or week. Or maybe, I'll just play it by ear. That sounds good. Sounds like a contender for the status of official "resolution".
This year I resolve to play it by ear. No, not really. My tinnitus throws my hearing off sometimes....its my least dependable sense these days ;-)
Heres hoping for a happy new year, for us all. (can mine at least be productive, if not happy?)
Last year I went out with friends from school. Drank a TON....of beer, and was home and in bed by midnight. The year before that I went out, and drank a TON of vodka, was home and passed out before 11. The way I see it, this year is an improvement.
Heres to hoping that I can make some improvements in life decisions in this new year. Not a resolution....as I've really yet to put serious thought into things I ought or want to do differently/better. Suppose I can put some thought into it tomorrow...or the next day...or week. Or maybe, I'll just play it by ear. That sounds good. Sounds like a contender for the status of official "resolution".
This year I resolve to play it by ear. No, not really. My tinnitus throws my hearing off sometimes....its my least dependable sense these days ;-)
Heres hoping for a happy new year, for us all. (can mine at least be productive, if not happy?)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)