Pros and Cons of Noc Shift

In June of this year I was fortunate enough to finish Grad school, move out of my parents house and into my own apartment, and begin my first full-time-decent-pay-with-health-benefits REAL job. The catch: in order to have the full time and health benefits, I had to take the Nocturnal shift (in a position that is a stagnant career move....oh, I digress...). This is a true nocturnal shift, starting at 11pm and ending at 7:30 am.

In this entry I would like to detail the effects six months of Noc shift has had on my life, and weigh the pros and cons (you know, in the event that any of my two readers are contemplating giving up sunshine)

The biggest changes I have noticed are the following:
a) My immune system is significantly less functional than it has ever been. During my first three months on the shift, I was sick at least one week of every month. A cold....then strep throat....then the worst ear infection of my life. And now...chronic, low grade "I-feel-like-crap-itis". Symptoms of the previously mentioned condition include hypersomnia, over eating (on junk food), chronic physical and mental fatigue.
b) Depression! (as hinted at above). I'm not talking your run-of-the-mill, low grade "I'm sad today" depression. What I experienced, and perhaps present tense experience is more accurate, is the type of depression where you gain 15 pounds (and don't care), forget to tend to hygiene and do nothing but sleep and ignore calls and invites from friends and family.
c) Loss of social skills/social connections. I essentially have ZERO friends. Perhaps this is attributable to things more central to my personality than my work shift. Nonetheless, my social life has evaporated since starting this shift. One cannot attend happy hour (and drink) with work starting at 11pm. Cannot go to lunch with girlfriends during the week, due to sleeping the day away. Cannot socialize at night due to being at work. I'm not sure why I also have no social life on the weekends, but again...maybe that is a whole other topic for a different entry.
d) Poor sleep.  This is due to multiple things. First, no one seems to understand that I still aim for 6-8 hours of sleep. My primary rest time is during the DAY. This sleep is NOT a nap. It never fails that I receive phone calls and texts daily during the time I sleep (8am-4pm, roughly). Its perplexing, as I don't text or call my friends at 3am...just because I'm awake and on my lunch break. Poor sleep also stems from the world functioning during the day. I can hardly complain of a noise violation at noon when my neighbor blasts music; I can't fault small children for laughing and yelling as they walk home from school; I can't ask the gardeners for my apartment complex to come back at a more "reasonable" hour when they are cutting the grass for 3 hours in the middle of the day. And lastly, your body does not want to sleep during the day. It wants to sleep at night. I still prefer to sleep at night. So, I rely on OTC sleep aids, and I get less restful, shorter sleep and feel that drug induced hang over the next day.

So, why do I work this shift? I'm glad you asked!

a) Bill Pay. It is a wonderful feeling to finally be able to pay your bills and support yourself after years of schooling and dependency on one's parents. I have reduced my credit card debt and I have been able to acquire some "things" that add to my stunted quality of life.
b) Health Care. As a self diagnosed hypochondriac, I have hugely enjoyed having medical, dental and vision. I have a regular primary care physician (that I like), I have had all my mercury fillings replaced with white composite fillings, and my insurance paid for a 6 month supply of contact lenses.

I tried for a "c", but I think "a" and "b" covered it. Oh wait...
c) There are No Other Jobs Available. I look. Monthly. Weekly. Daily. Diligently. Turns out, I need a PhD or fluency in Spanish or both. Or, 2+ years of experience in some position with other requirements that I do not meet.

I am very thankful for the people I work with on the Noc shift. They understand the complaints and symptoms associated with it, and they tolerate my vocalization of complaints. They also ask me daily if I am "ok", as apparently I am pale from lack of sun, and sick looking. "You look sooo tired Tracie".

Hip Hip Hooray for employment!

sleep

I can't sleep, but it isn't insomnia. So I'll blog...as some one may read this and find enjoyment or even pleasure in my discontent.

First stimuli contributing to my lack of sleep, is my emotions. As a self-proclaimed emotional retard, emotions sometimes wreck havoc on my existence. And feeling sad/hurt late at night, is not easy.

Next, there is a damn mosquito somewhere in my room. Not large, visible mosquito hawk that I could locate and squish, but a small, agile and noisy little mosquito that manages to find its way toward my head right as I start to fall asleep.

Then there is my constant source of mild discomfort, my tinnitus. Though compared to the mosquito, it is quite pleasant.

And, extreme fatigue from poor quality sleep last night. That sort of sensation of "i'm so tired I can't even sleep" Super comfortable...

I wish I could just knock out. Hard. Sleep soundly for sometime like 12 hours. 12 should do.

at first I thought it was irony...

but then I realized its merely a juxtaposition.

i'm always surprised when it hits. when you've pushed something/someone out of your mind so completely, that you are overcome by this memory that has found its way back. and the juxtaposition and comparing begin. and everything/everyone else pales in comparison.

and probably always will.

as French author Andre Gide reflected.... "nothing prevents happiness like the memory of happiness".

I'm not a linguist, or even a wordsmith, but....

Sometimes we need to trust our gut when using the English language. English is riddled with strange rules and exceptions, like "i before e, except after c", exceptions being ancient, atheist, feign, height, sufficient, society, glacier, deficient....the list goes on. Yet none of these words are inherently difficult to spell.

One thing that gets me every time is the misuse of words, and blatant fabrication of words. Specifically, I'm thinking of the common assumption that the root of conversation is conversate. REALLY people? Maybe it only seems apparent to some of us, but you do not "conversate" with some, you "converse" with them. Despite being used by intelligent individuals, and being in song lyrics, "conversate" is, in fact, NOT a word.

Other strange things in the English language:

the plural of box is boxes, but the plural of ox is oxen rather than oxes
mouse, mice, but house is not hice?
tooth, teeth, but not booth, beeth

some examples of strange pronunciation: (yet you'll probably read these sentence correctly....examples taken from www.vincentchow.net)

We had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
The dove dove into the bushes.
The dump had to refuse more refuse, as it was full.

A quote

"Temperance is simply a disposition of the mind which binds the passion"
 -Thomas Aquinas

from a proponent of natural theology, who outlined four cardinal virtues of prudence, temperance, justice and fortitude.

Tinnitus

Tinnitus is a horrible, horrible thing. Not horrible like something that makes life not worth living, but horrible like.... getting a gigantic blister while wearing a new pair of shoes, feeling relief when you take them off once you get home, but having to put them back on the next day and experience the blister all over again.

This ringing wont go away. Its frustrating me to the point of tears. I have a friend who likes to tell me to "knock it off" because he claims that "everyone has ringing in their ears". I'm sure if everyone had AIDs it wouldn't make dying from it any better. If everyone has diarrhea that doesn't make shitting yourself any fun!

Oh how I long for the peace and quiet I used to experience before this tinnitus bullshit.

The real pisser is that I'm pretty sure I got this working a minimum wage job I was/am WAY over qualified for, at which I earned a grand total of $4,000. If the small business owner could have just splurged on BETTER EQUIPMENT i could still enjoy my peace and quiet.

*SIGH*.....

A thought on intentions

Sometimes it helps me to remember, when i feel wronged or attacked, that people do the best they can given the circumstance they are in and the skill set they possess. Maybe I'm foolish, hopefully it is just optimism, but I suspect that it is a rare occurrence for someone to set out with the true intent of emotionally wounding another person. Even if this is not true, I will continue to believe it, because I like to feel warm and open to letting new people into my life, rather than cold and distant.